Daily Little Johnny

[ctaulbee]

OMG

[Pip]

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that."

The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."

"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest."

Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

Spoiler Block

"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"

[VincentLupo]

[ctaulbee]

[Wrench]

[Pip]

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"

"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

Spoiler Block

"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"

[ctaulbee]

Man that one was wide open there

[VincentLupo]

As wide as Johnny's sister's legs.

[Pip]

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells

Spoiler Block

'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

[Wrench]

[Pip]

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted,

Spoiler Block

"IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[BajeeZa]

[ctaulbee]

[Pip]

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted,

Spoiler Block

"Quick! Spit'em out! They're assholes!"

[ctaulbee]

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[ctaulbee]

[BajeeZa]

[Wrench]