Daily Little Johnny

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Finding Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand him.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Little Johnny looked up and replied,

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"Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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[Wrench]

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[Pip]

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes.

Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?"

His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?"

"No", said Little Johnny.

His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?"

His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?"

"No" said Little Johhny.

"Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies.

His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?"

Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?"

His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!"

Little Johnny replied,

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"Then go fuck yourself!"

[BajeeZa]

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[Pip]

A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking." Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib." "Johny, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher. " no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Johnny.

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[Wrench]

[Pip]

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.

One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."

She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it."

But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.

After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue."

"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.

"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money."

She follows him out.

When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

His dad exclaims:

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"That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

[Wrench]

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[Pip]

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says:

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"Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

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[Pip]

Concerned, little Johnny's mother warns her little boy, "Don't look at naked women or you'll turn to stone."

Johnny loved his mother, and as such decided not to look at naked women.

But one day Little Johhny and his friend were walking along a beach, and saw a woman sunbathing naked. Johnny remembered what his mother said, and turned and ran away from the woman.

His friend finally catches up to him and asks why he ran. Johnny told his friend what his mother said, and then added,

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"and it must be true, because when I saw that woman I felt myself going rock hard in my trousers."

[Wrench]

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[Pip]

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."

Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

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"Get yourself a new boyfriend."

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[Wrench]

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