Daily Little Johnny

[ctaulbee]

[Wrench]

[Pip]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, 'Mummy, can little boys have babies?'
'No,' said his mom, 'of course not.'
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, 'It's okay, we can play that game again!'

[ctaulbee]

OMG

[Wrench]

[Pip]

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, 'Does anyone know Jesus' Mother's name?'
Susie raised her hand and said, 'It was Mary.' The teacher said, 'Very good Susie. Do you know Jesus' Father's name?'
Little Johnny said, 'Yes, it was Virg.' the teacher asked how he came up with her answer. He said, 'You know, Virg 'n Mary.....'

[ctaulbee]

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims 'Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?'
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.
Pretty soon mummy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out 'Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!'

[ctaulbee]

Ride 'Em Cowboy...

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. 'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,' he said. 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. 'Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,

Spoiler Block

'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'

[ctaulbee]

[VincentLupo]

[BajeeZa]

[Pip]

Little Johnny was in school one day when a replacement teacher, unaware of Johnny's reputation, asked ' Give me a word beginning with the letter A'.
As eager as ever little Johnny jumped up. 'Well Johnny, what is your word' asked the teacher.
'My word beginning with A is Arse' replies Johnny.
Taken aback the teacher swiftly moved on. ' Give me a word beginning with the letter B'.
Once again little Johnny was the first with his hand in the air. 'What is it ' asked the teacher '.
My word beginning with B is Bollox' replies Johnny. With this the teacher makes Johnny stand in the corner admonishing him for his bad language.
'Let's continue our lesson' says the teacher, deciding that it may be prudent to skip the letter 'C'. 'Give me a word beginning with the letter D'.
As before little Johnny was the first with his hand in the air. Thinking that Johnny would not be able to make much of the letter 'D' she decided to give him a last chance. 'Okay Johnny, this time we do not want any foul language - give us your word beginning with 'D'.
My word beginning with D is Dwarf' replies Johnny.
'Very good Johnny' said a relieved teacher, 'But can you explain to the class what a dwarf is'.
'Sure', says Johnny raising his hand four foot from the floor

Spoiler Block

' It's a little cunt about this high'

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick...a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again, and by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... They have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.
Mother fainted.

[VincentLupo]

[Wrench]

[youtube] [/youtube]

[Pip]

Little Johnny goes to school one day and in show and tell he starts telling the kids that his dad has two dicks.
'That's not possible Johnny', says the teacher.
'Yes it is', says Johnny. 'I've seen both of them. One he uses to piss out of and the other one he uses to clean mummy's teeth with'.

[ctaulbee]

[VincentLupo]

[sam]