Daily Little Johnny

[Wrench]

[Pip]

Little Johnny is asked by the teacher one day at school what he did over the weekend.
'I spent all weekend blowing up frogs by sticking firecracker's up their asses' he replied.
'Rectum, Johnny, rectum', said the teacher.
'Bloody too right it rectum, Miss, it blew the shit out of them'.

[ctaulbee]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny runs in from outside playing with his mate Billy.
Johnny asks his mom where he comes from. Mum tells him everything and then asks Johnny if he now understands.
Johnny says, ' Gee I don't know Mum, Billy says he comes from Sydney '.

[VincentLupo]

[Wrench]

[ctaulbee]

Classic Little Johnny

[Pip]

Johnny was at school in his history lesson when the teacher asked the class 'Who discovered Botany Bay &: When?'

Everyone went quiet except little Horohito who stood up and said: 'Ah Captain Cook in ah Seventeen seventy ah'.

The school teacher told off the rest of the class for not knowing their heritage and said: 'Fancy having a Japanese kid knowing more than you Aussie kids about your history'.

Just then someone from the back of the class yelled out: 'F**k the Japs'.
The teacher screamed : 'Who said that?'

Johnny stood up and said, 'General Macarthur in 1945'.

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny was asked by the teacher to compose a sentence with the word 'contagious'.
He thought for a while and then said, 'Dad and I were in the car following this truck with a load of pineapples when it went round the corner and all the pineapples fell out. As we went past Dad said

Spoiler Block

'It will take that contagious to pick all those up'.

[VincentLupo]

[ctaulbee]

[Pip]

31 one days to go. Are there that many Little Johnny jokes left?

For that you have to check. - Daily!

[Pip]

The last from November.-


Little Johnny was in the shower with his mother one day when after looking down he said to his mother 'What's that?' pointing to her pubic area.
'That's my sponge' says his mother.
'Oh, OK', said Johnny.
A few weeks went by and Johnny's mother had to go into hospital for an appendectomy and when she came out of course she had her pubic area shaved.
Johnny, upon seeing this said to his mother 'Where is your sponge?'
To which his mother said 'It's OK, I've just lost it. It will turn up somewhere'.
A while later Johnny comes bursting into the room and says to his mother 'Mum, I've found your sponge'.
'Where?', says his mother wondering where Johnny could have found it.

Spoiler Block

'It's upstairs. The maid is using it to wash daddy's face'.

[ctaulbee]

[BajeeZa]

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Two today as I couldn't get it done yesterday.

Little Johnny was constantly telling stories & exaggerating. In desperation, his parents decided they'd try sending him off to Sunday school.
After the class, they asked him what he'd learned. 'Well, I heard about this guy named Moses & his people, and how this army chased them with tanks &: guns', he told them. 'The army chased Moses back up against the Red Sea. Then right at the last moment, they found some canoes and escaped.'.
Disgusted, his father said 'Now that's not what they told you, is it Johnny?'
Johnny said 'No, but I figured you'd believe that before you'd believe what they told me'.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The teacher is standing in front of the class and she calls out to Jimmy to stand up and tell everyone what his father does for a living.
Jimmy stands up and says 'My father is a lawyer'.
'That's very good' says the teacher. 'What about you Jenny?'.
Jenny stands up and says 'My father is a doctor'.
'That's very good' says the teacher 'What about you Johnny?'
Johnny stands up and says 'My father doesn't do anything for a living, he is dead'.
'Oh dear', says the teacher. 'What did he do before he died?'
To which Johnny replies

Spoiler Block

'He went Uuuuuurrrrrggghhhhhh'.

[Wrench]

[sam]

[Pip]

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is.

Spoiler Block

It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”

[VincentLupo]

[Wrench]