Daily Little Johnny

[sam]

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnny,

Spoiler Block

"cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"

[Wrench]

[sam]

[Pip]

One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.

He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"

Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"

So Johnny goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. Little Johnny tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy. "Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?" So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.

Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"

The boy answers,

Spoiler Block

" No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny goes to his sister's room and picks up a used condom.

His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir.

He asks her what it is. She says, "it's a donut."

Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents."

Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents.

He goes to the kitchen with a big smile on his face, and his mom asks him why he's smiling.

He says, "My sister gave me fifty cents for a donut,

Spoiler Block

but I already licked out all the custard!"

And that folks is the final Little Johnny joke on the final day of the year.
All that's left is for me to wish you all a Happy, healthy and prosperous New Year

hny.jpg (1.6 MiB) Viewed 9319 times

[VincentLupo]

Happy New Year Pip!!!

[Wrench]

[ctaulbee]

[sam]

[bankska22]

[Pip]

And just when you thought all the stories had been told - along comes this.

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Little Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Little Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.
When it's Little Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Little Johnny ponders the question and finally says,

Spoiler Block

'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.

[VincentLupo]

Oh boy. I sure missed these. You must find more.

[Pip]

Oh boy. I sure missed these. You must find more.

I miss him too, rest assured Vincent as/when/if I find new ones they will be posted here.

[Pip]

OH No!!! He has a sister ?!




Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"

Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied,

Spoiler Block

"No... Salty."

Mum fainted.

[VincentLupo]