Dillerisms

The place to share funny pics, jokes and stories.

Dillerisms

Postby Pip » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:29 pm

America’s 1st female stand-up comedian !!!


Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? -Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play American football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out. Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me. Phyllis Diller

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller

Tranquillisers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller



phillis.jpg
phillis.jpg (19.55 KiB) Viewed 48 times
Sad Lexa Doig Fan and PROUD of it!

If you like my covers, please leave a comment.

Awards Current Awards for PipView Showcase


User avatar
Pip
Administrator
Awards: 1
Posts: 2472
Topics: 466
CoverArt: 413
Resources: 653
Joined: March 17, 2015
Location: Cadoxton, Vale of Glamorgan, South Wales, UK.
Thanks: 55
Thanked: 2633 times in 957 posts

The following user would like to thank Pip for this post
VincentLupo

Re: Dillerisms

Postby VincentLupo » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:56 pm

:LOL :LOL :LOL
Image
User avatar
VincentLupo
Panda Administrator
Posts: 3337
Topics: 111
CoverArt: 199
Joined: March 19, 2009
Thanks: 3822
Thanked: 114 times in 65 posts

Re: Dillerisms

Postby chouette » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:23 pm

:Beer Dear old Phyllis! :D
Image
User avatar
chouette
Moderator
Posts: 1694
Topics: 166
CoverArt: 11
Resources: 5
Joined: April 26, 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Thanks: 730
Thanked: 472 times in 167 posts


Return to Side Show Detour






Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron