Senior's Speech
Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2020 11:45 pmA couple of us local retired types from the Senior Centre were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the PTA. As luck would have it, I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself.
I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; since I had plenty of time, because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.
The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?”
I said, "That's easy. Looking back over my 7+ decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and women The rest I just wasted.”
I was then escorted out without getting to finish my two important guidelines to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it!
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.
I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.
Kids need to know this stuff.
I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; since I had plenty of time, because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.
The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?”
I said, "That's easy. Looking back over my 7+ decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and women The rest I just wasted.”
I was then escorted out without getting to finish my two important guidelines to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it!
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.
I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.
Kids need to know this stuff.
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