A n Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Now for the best one..
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"W hat happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner ," says Sean , "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean , "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy - Mrs. O'Conner 's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."