B & Q JOB APPLICATION

[Pip]

This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year
old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)


SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
(or at least one who will cooperate)


DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing
Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was
in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the
first place - would I?


DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and
a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


EDUCATION: Yes.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.


PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.


MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of Job Application
stolen pens and post-it notes.


REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.


HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.


PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and
Thursday.


DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're
better suited to a more intimate environment.


MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one,
would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT
YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"


HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare
Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.


DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!

On my breaks - yes!


WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in
the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel
with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles


DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE
BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

[VincentLupo]

[ctaulbee]

[dirk8837]

[sam]