Daily Little Johnny

[Pip]

Little Johnny's father asked for his school report card.

Johnny replied, "I don't have it."

"Why not?" His father asked.

"My friend just borrowed it.

Spoiler Block

He wants to scare his parents."

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.

The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second worm in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.

"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded,

Spoiler Block

"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

[VincentLupo]

[Wrench]

[ctaulbee]

...the sliver lining

[Pip]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies

Spoiler Block

"It aint my finger either".

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[dirk8837]

[sam]

[Pip]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said,

Spoiler Block

"Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

[sam]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies,

Spoiler Block

"Because George was the one holding the axe?"

[Wrench]

[VincentLupo]

[Pip]

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.

The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.


The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.

Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.

The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.

He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me.

What do you think of that, Johnny?"

Johnny replies,

Spoiler Block

"Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."

[Wrench]

[dirk8837]

[Pip]

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"

"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.

Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."

"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.

Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee. Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny, you have some nerve!"

Johnny says,

Spoiler Block

"That's nothing you should see my fathers."

Look in for the Christmas Little Johnny tomorrow!

[VincentLupo]

[sam]

[BajeeZa]

[Wrench]